Beauology 101: Imaginary Stories Seriously

Your Imaginary Host-Beau Smith

Your Imaginary Host-Beau Smith


by Beau Smith

Get two or more mainstream comic book superheroes together and things start to get complicated. More than two and it becomes arithmetic. Anytime you have two or more superheroes in a room, in a city, or on a space station, then you can figure there are either a whole lot of super villains nearby, or some cosmic, world shattering, intergalactic warlord on their way to everyone’s favorite human infested planet—Earth – to be as bad as they wanna be.

When you have a crowd like this, jaws start to tighten, everyone keeps their hands in a near full time fist, and if you see a smile or smirk on anyone’s face, well, then you can figure that hero will soon be discounted as “not that serious” and written off as un-Frank Miller worthy.

“Funny Guys Get Shoved Under The Superhero Bus. Ask B’Wana Beast.”

“Funny Guys Get Shoved Under The Superhero Bus. Ask B’Wana Beast.”


Doesn’t have to be that way.

A normal sense of humor would sure be welcomed into the world of mainstream superheroes…if you ask me. And I know you didn’t, but it’s my column, so you’re stuck with my opinion until you decide to click the mouse to another check marked favorite box and mosey along to a more serious column.

“I told Ya Batman Had A Mean Sense Of Humor.”

“I told Ya Batman Had A Mean Sense Of Humor.”


Within Marvel and DC there have been countless reboots of characters that have been around for close to 80 years. Rarely, if ever, to my recollection, has very many, if any, had a real 360 and come back with a sense of humor being their new super power. I don’t mean rebooting Batman to become the Kevin Hart of superheroes, but a little lighter change would be nice. Let him use his grouchy personality to be funny. I know it sure would be funny to see Batman use that to his advantage and set other folks off kilter a little. Plus, I think deep down inside, he’d enjoy it.

“I’m Not Making This Stuff Up….Somebody Else Did. “

“I’m Not Making This Stuff Up….Somebody Else Did. “


I miss the DC Comics Imaginary stories. Yes, as a kid, I thought they were kinda silly, but ya know, these days I could use a little silly when it comes to the bouts of superhero constipation that we get when we read yet another “Gotta save the universe from (Insert Mega Bad Guy Here).” To be honest, I think that same stiff lip scenario would play out even if Superman was getting a cat out of a tree. I would love to see some of today’s writers—and artists – get the chance to have some crazy-wild fun like the DC creators of the ‘50s and ‘60s did. I would hope they could keep themselves from making the stories too irreverent and dark. I would hope they would reach back and see the fun stuff that used to go on, like Superman having to wonder how he was gonna spank Super Baby after juggling city buses for fun, or Batman carrying on a conversation with Bat Hound…and it was a two way conversation.

“I Told Ya Bat-Hound Could Talk.”

“I Told Ya Bat-Hound Could Talk.”


I’d love to read or write an Imaginary story where there is a super powered, non-costumed hero that is dropped into the DC or Marvel universe from “reality” and is aware that every hero and villain is wearing some outlandish costume that would be terrible in a fight, and no one else notices! I’m not asking for this full time, just one or two issues a year.

I don’t think it’s too much to ask. It’d be kinda fun to see Superman as the always on, joking around, pesty superhero…..who just happens to be the most powerful hero on the planet. Just once….

“I'm Not Turtle Boy…I’m Giant Turtle MAN!”

“I’m Not Turtle Boy…I’m Giant Turtle MAN!”


Think about it for a little bit, folks. You miss seeing Jimmy Olsen as a giant Turtle Boy, don’t ya?

Your Imaginary Friend,

Beau Smith

The Flying Fist Ranch

Follow me on Instagram and Twitter at @BeauSmithRanch

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