Beauology 101: Halloween—Unfriend Me

Halloween At My House-Beau Smith

Halloween At My House-Beau Smith

by Beau Smith

I’ll get to the point. I don’t like Halloween.

I never have. Not even as a little kid with the lure of toting home a huge bag of sugar-packed, energy induced candy.

Never liked it. Still don’t.

My Idea Of High End Cosplay

My Idea Of High End Cosplay

I’ve never liked dressing up in costumes, simple or elaborate. As a kid, for Halloween I would wear one of those cheap plastic masks with the string that held it on to your face. It was of whatever character was popular at the time (for me, it was mostly Frankenstein, Wolfman, The Creature From The Black Lagoon) and I would take the bag my parents (they were married on Trick Or Treat Night) gave me and trudge out and collect candy. I waited for the day when I could say “I’m not gonna do this anymore. I’m too old.” I believe I invoked that right in the 6th grade.

I could never be, or desired to be, an actor. They have to dress up in costumes every day and repeat the same words over and over. The repetition alone would make me crazy. (Crazier)

Please note that I do not, and never have, judged others that do enjoy Halloween and dressing up in costumes. That’s your business and pleasure. Have at it. Just don’t invite me to the party. As an adult when I did go to Halloween parties, I usually dressed as a cowboy, easy to do, or a baseball player. No masks and I got to carry a gun or a ball bat. Win/Win.

At conventions, I enjoy seeing others enjoying doing the cosplay thing. They are super-creative and folks really enjoy it. Thank you for not asking me to do it or judge your contests.

Halloween has gone from being one day in October to being the whole month of October. It’s everywhere you turn. Making money has a LARGE part to do with that. Business is business. They just aren’t getting mine.

THEM-Giants Ants My Kinda Monsters.

THEM-Giants Ants My Kinda Monsters.

I have never been a fan of horror….stories, films, TV…I’ve always been a fan of Monsters…Universal Monsters and 1950s giant, radioactive created monsters, Creature From The Black Lagoon, Them, Howard Hawks The Thing are three of my top ten favorite films of all time, but never the psychological , supernatural, really sick evil, serial killer type of gore horror. That just never appealed to me. Yes, as a writer, I have written horror. I do it well. It’s just not enjoyable to me personally. I’ve got a writer friend that works for both Marvel and DC Comics that is really popular for their current superhero work at both companies, but truth be told, they really dislike the superhero genre. This writer enjoys doing the stories, but the characters and their powers are of little interest. They focus on the story and characters as a tool to better translate the emotion of the story. We’ve talked about it many times and it’s always a very interesting conversation because this writer loves doing horror above and beyond everything else. So we are the yin and yang of the situation.

I don’t like being scared, so I don’t have the urge to pay to feel that way. I don’t like being sad, so I don’t pay to feel that way either as entertainment. Am I hiding from it? Not really. Life gives you both in ample supply. I just don’t feel the need to pay for it as entertainment because for me, it’s not.

Don’t expect to come to The Flying Fist Ranch on Halloween and find me at the door happily handing out candy. Nope. We quit doing that when our sons grew up and moved out. (A long time ago.) Beth and I go out for a nice dinner and come home after the chaos is all over…and no….nobody soaps my windows or eggs my house….they know who lives there, and that’s scarier than anything Halloween can provide.

Again, if Halloween is your idea of fun, fine. It’s just not mine. Maybe I’m the weird one.. After all, I’ve never drank coffee and I find mashed potatoes repulsive as well.

Fin Fang Foom better not show up at Beau's house.

Fin Fang Foom better not show up at Beau’s house.

So this Halloween as you’re posting up photos of your costumes and candy on Facebook and quoting dialogue from the SAW movies, don’t think of me. I’m the guy that is having dinner somewhere, watching hockey, and talking about the story pitch for B’Wana Beast he is gonna toss at DC Comics…..yeah, maybe I’m the weird guy after all.


Beau Smith

The Flying Fist Ranch

Follow me on Instagram and Twitter at @BeauSmithRanch



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