Beauology 101: Superhero Q&A

"Just Ask...."

“Just Ask….”


by Beau Smith

One thing that we all have an abundant amount of are questions. what we don’t always have are answers.

The older I get, the more questions I have. My urge to find answers for these questions has increased. Maybe it’s the old ticking clock. After all, come the 17th of this month, I prove once again that I’m not getting any younger. I also think the more urgent need to find answers lies in the fact that because I’ve been stumbling around on this planet so long that my stockpile of experiences just get greedier. It’s kinda like cake or pie; why stop at just one slice?

Since this column of mine dwells in the realm of pop culture and comic books, I thought that I would address, or at least post up, some of the questions I have on my mind. I thought I’d share them with you because if you’re reading this, I figure we might be like-minded. Or maybe I can nudge you to think of some of your own questions you desire answers to.


Just imagine yourself in your own “Charlie Rose” or “Tavis Smiley” setting; it’s you and a character(s) that you have questions for, one on one, with no studio audience or other distractions. I know that would work for me.

I’ve come up with some questions or topics that I’d like to toss at characters from the comic books that I read currently and have from the past. Remember, I can’t really answer these questions for them, but as a writer of fiction, I would love the opportunity to put some answers in their four-color mouths. Here are just a few:

Captain America

Beau Smith: What is it like to be a true member of the “Greatest Generation” in the body of a man in his prime, that has missed out of decades of life experiences? How do you adjust, or is that even possible?

Thor

Beau Smith: Do you believe in one God that created all, or do you truly believe that you are one God among many?

"Sorry About That, Citizen."

“Sorry About That, Citizen.”


Superman

Beau Smith: Being one of the most powerful beings on the planet, if not the most powerful, how do you deal with the possibility that any use of your powers could cause collateral damage to innocents?


Batman

Beau Smith: (Get Serious! Do you really think he’s gonna answer anything? I figure he’s just gonna sit there and stare at me until I becomes REALLY uncomfortable and bolt for the door. Nobody questions The Batman.)

"Girl Power"

“Girl Power”


Wonder Woman

Beau Smith: You’re one of the iconic superheroes in the world. A lot of the general reading public has always locked you into a position that you must represent all women as a role model first, and be a human second. Is this something that you accept or feel burdened by?

"I'm Not Short, I'm Just Drawn That Way."

“I’m Not Short, I’m Just Drawn That Way.”



Wolverine

Beau Smith: Do you hate Hugh Jackman because he’s tall?

"I've Got An Itch That Just Won't Quit."

“I’ve Got An Itch That Just Won’t Quit.”


Iron Man

Beau Smith: The suit…It chafes doesn’t it?

Spider-Man

Beau Smith: You probably have the worst record for getting into fights with other superheroes at first meeting than anyone else in the Marvel Universe. Is this because you’re frustrated that Aunt May never dies and you feel responsible for Uncle Ben getting killed leaving you to take care of the old lady? (At this point, since it is our first meeting, Spider-Man squirts his webbing in my eyes, beats me up, and leaves me webbed to my chair with a note saying: “Yes.”)

Professor X.

Beau Smith: As a professor and caretaker for young mutants, do you feel kinda creepy for having a crush on Marvel Girl when she first came to your school? (At his point, Professor X called me a Mutant, not the good kid, but the kind that shops at Wal-Mart at midnight, then wiped my memory and left the room.)

"Listen To ME!!"

“Listen To ME!!”


B’Wana Beast

Beau Smith: Do you have any resentment towards the other self-proclaimed “Kings Of Beasts” in comics, such as Ka-Zar, Tarzan, and Animal Man?

Doctor Doom

Beau Smith:

As someone that is a ruler and a noted Apocalyptic Economist, what are your thoughts on ObamaCare?

"Nobody Knows Fashion Like Millie."

“Nobody Knows Fashion Like Millie.”


Millie The Model

Beau Smith: As the true Queen of Fashion, whose outfit makes your eyes bleed the most, Sub-Mariner’s Speedos, Aquaman’s Peter Pan tights, or Robin’s shorts?

Lois Lane

Beau Smith: Let me ask you, Who is Superman….Husband, Boyfriend or career killer?

Nick Fury

Beau Smith: Name your worst enemy. (He said Samuel L. Jackson, then I heard him ordering a casting director to be audited or assassinated.)

"Where'd You Get Your License, Daredevil, Sears?"

“Where’d You Get Your License, Daredevil, Sears?”


Daredevil

Beau Smith: Just curious, with your radar sense, wouldn’t that make you an even better driver than someone with eyesight?

These are just some of the questions I have for fictional superheroes. Some of these questions I’ve had since my childhood, as you could probably tell, and others were a bit more light-hearted. But then again, taking into consideration the lack of any sort of humor in superhero comics these days, a little fun ain’t a bad thing.

I’d love to hear some of the questions you guys have for superheroes and possibly your own speculations on their answers. Remember, the clock is ticking….

The man with none of the answers,

Beau Smith

The Flying Fist Ranch

www.flyingfistranch.com

 

USER COMMENTS3 Responses

We'd love to hear from you, feel free to add to the discussion!

  1. Rod Miller Says:

    Batman: “since you are essentially the Tony Stark of the DCU, why don’t you take a cue from him and protect yourself with a battlesuit? And a follow-up: even if you don’t for yourself, how can you justify leading minors into gunfire in swimtrunks?

    Bruce Banner: “You seem like a reasonable man. How can you not act in the greater good and kill yourself?”

    Wonder Woman: “You’re an Amazon princess, a trained warrior with mystical armor, yet you go into potentially violent situations in a one-piece swimsuit. Why?”

    Movie Captain America: “You emerged from SHIELD’s safehouse into a Times Square bustling with Volkswagens, Japanese cellphones, BMWs and a giant Sony billboard. Did you think we lost WWII?”

  2. Jason Willey Says:

    to Guy Gardner : Does your Barber always use the same bowl when he cuts your hair or does he have different ones to spice it up?

    to the Anti-Monitor : Did your compulsion to destroy positive matter universes stem from a bad break up?

  3. Beau Smith Says:

    Yes! These are great questions! Smart, witty and needed to be asked.

    Thank you,

    Beau Smith
    The Flying Fist Ranch